My diet & detox journal

Thu Jan 27, 2005 4:02pm
day 31
Hello. It is day one after the challenge, and I am still all raw. I did have some gum, but i don’t count that as digressing. I had a nice day, although I woke up with a bit of tenderness in my glands, and a slightly dripping nose. One of my coworkers is sick…I told her no way, I am not catching it! So, i visualized that I wasn’t getting ill, took a bunch of probiotics and oregano oil supplements, and now I am fine. I must get plenty of rest to make sure this sticks!

I am doing some more planning for my blog & new website, so that is exciting. I won’t give any details though, since I want to keep it secret! Only my sister and husband know as of now. It is going to be of help to people though, so I know that it is a good thing. A needed thing.

I posted today on a raw food message board that I would write about my PCOS and raw foods. In order to learn about my experience, I will need to share a bit more than just PCOS, since I believe that my symtomology had a lot to do with my lifestyle…This is a long story, so I will do my best to be concise….

I grew up in a vegetarian household for most of my early life. In 2nd grade I missed several answers on a test because I didn’t know that beef came from a cow…! When we would go out with friends for fast food at mc donalds, I would ask for a cheeseburger, without the burger, so I could have a grilled cheese! (Imagine me, 7 years old leaning over the counter to show the cashier how to ring it up! I have a distinct memory of doing this, and it makes me smile everytime! )

But, like all children in public school, I wanted to fit in with my friends. WHy did I have to eat the peanut butter and banana sandwhiches, when everyone else had chips and cookies? My mom started caving in…My sis and I developed horrid sugar issues. He would hide our obsession with candy from our parents. It was really bad. We were both living with my mom as my parents were seperated and remarried…The situation was tolerable, but I was quite depressed for much of my childhood. Emotional issues led to food issues…

I first knew something was up way back in high school. First, I didn’t get my period till age 16. (technically 3 months before my 16th bday.) Which meant that my little sister started her menses before me, and she is 2 years younger. That should have been a tip off, but I didn’t know what it was yet. Suddenly, I started gaining weight. In strange ways though. In the abdominal area, and around my rib cage…I had always been a thin girl growing up. It was overnight that I began to have a “spare tire” around my middle…Suddenly my clothes started to fit funny in the waist. I was still active, so I remained mostly thin, but my periods were REALLY painful, and they make me bloated and headachy. Most of my senior year I remember being grouchy and ill. And I had this ‘belly’ that made me look bloated and I was concerned. I wasn’t ‘fat’ I suppose, only it looked differnt than other girls who had carried thier weight on round hips, or to quote their words “thunder thighs”. I had virtually no rear end, and had thick muscles in my legs and arms, but the midsection…THAT was where my trouble lie. (Nowadays doctors will tell you, midsection fat, and fat around the liver is the WORST type.) Like most adolecents I thought I was “strange” looking. I was glad I had friends, so despite my “issues” I was still pretty social. Back then the in thing in my group was not wild parties and alcohal. It was sweets and hanging out at coffee shops…I was already drinking too much caffiene. (Now i know the havoc this wrecked.)

Then nearing the end of high school, and into college I started getting acne. Not normal acne, like the kind that is irritating but tolerable. It was strange single breakouts that seemed to come in waves, cycles of what I considered mountains along my jawline. Not all over, but single spots that wouldn’t fade. It was strange, and I didn’t know what had caused it. Mom said it was puberty. Ha! Most kids deal with acne in thier teens. Sadely there is a HUGE industry behind the potions and creams and lotions that are supposed to CURE the issue. Unfortunatly, I bought into that whole thing, and never questioned diet, or the fact that perhaps it was my liver suffering from the overwhelming influence of pubescent hormones…Again, mom never mentioned anything about that. IT would be many years later when I began to understand that my diet, stress, and attitude was a huge factor in how my PCO symtoms were manifesting themselves. Jawline acne is a symtom of the metabolic disorder.

So I saw a dermatologist. NOwadays they ask about PCO if you have certain symtoms. Not then. I keep thinking if I had known about this years ago, how much easier things would have been! I also started getting thicker hair on my legs & underarms. I figured that was part of genetics, and I would simply wax it off. In hindsight I guess i have been pretty lucky. Some women who have PCO grow hair on thier arms, chest, and even lose thier hair on thier head! Wild! But still, the weight was there, and the acne, and by the time I graduated high school, I thought something must really be off kilter. I suppose it is because I had friends, and was somewhat social that was my saving grace. If I didn’t have that self esteme, I can only imagine how hard it could have been. I worked really hard at fitting in, and was always going beyond my comfort zone. I was in theatre, and liked to go to concerts…But I suppose most of what formed my self esteme was rooted in trying to fit in, to not standing out.

I remember refusing to go on the pill or take meds for my skin, which to this day I am greatful for. (My sister tried Accutane in college, ~and she really didn’t need it, neither of us had cystic acne, which is what they usually prescribe it for. She just didn’t understand pharmacudicals at the time. Unfortunately, my sis had a doc who was also pretty poorly informed…and within several weeks flared up with Ulcerative Colitis…something they don’t warn you about when you take that med! To this day she has issues, but i have helped her go off meds using supplements and eating properly. She was one of my first clients!)

BUt then the dermatolgist suggested antibiotics for my skin. I relented since by this time the single breakouts were spreading…I would now get them on my shoulder one month, my back the next. I was going far away for college, and I was thinking man, I can’t deal with this! I have to have it irradicated…It did work, incidently. By my early 20s the worst of it had faded. I did wear makeup, which probably didn’t help. But, the lovely soaps and lotions and potions from the local pharmacy did clear up my skin. So at least the outside of me was ‘better’. (Like the rest of the women in my family, I have a type A personality, tons of stress, and a predisposition to IBS. There is no doubt in my mind that my digestive woes were exaserbated from taking the antibiotics.) Again, in hindsight, I can say WHY, what was I thinking? My skin wasn’t that bad. I look back at pictures, and I see that much of my issue was in my head. Fears, etc. But then, we all have to walk the journey till we find what works. It is hard to look back 10 years and NOT be self critical.

Everything in my life at that time revolved around my menses cycle, which was never regular anyway. I’d get horrible aches in my lower abs on the right side…but at least my skin had cleared due to the antibiotics, right? Well, that was only superficial. I was eating terrible since I had gone off to europe for college. No vegetarian family anymore to keep me in gear. I had horrible stomach aches, constipation, diarrhea, but never enough to drive me to the doctors. Everyone always called it a nervous stomach…Right! Again, it is easy to see that this was where much of the insulin resistance side of PCO started to develope…my diet was trashy actually.

In 1990 I left CA for Europe for my first year of college. Out of my ’safe’ house, I was now forced to cook for myself, and being away from healthy choices made it really bad. It was college, so EVERYONE eats junk and gains the freshman 15, right? WEll, I took to cheese sandwhiches. Fast and efficient, and you could buy them in cafes for pretty cheep. And this was HOLLAND, I mean, they KNOW cheese, right? I was cooking some foods, I suppose. I had learned a really awesome chicken veggie pasta dish from my dad that summer before college. But I didn’t cook enough in the dorms to make a difference. My PCO was turning my pancreas and liver into an insulin factory…(And one that was failing miserably as well.)

The chocolate & cheese I was eating in Holland were wrecking havoc on me too. And, around the week of my periods, when I’d see a breakout pop up, I was still taking the antibiotics for my skin…can you believe that? for nearly a year straight! Knowing what I know now, wow…imagine the ecosystem in my gut. I gained more weight, had horrible cravings…I had ballooned to 145! (maybe more, i didn’t have a scale in lbs and never quite got the hang of metrics.) Alone & with friends, I would eat only cheese sandwhiches and coffee and beer most days, with the occasional orange juice thrown in. Beer was something I discovered in Holland. I am not sure why I drank it even. Probably for the escapism. (If I am honest with myself) But it again, was cheep, and allowed me to spend my money on travel instead. I was able to visit London in the early winter of 1990. What is interesting, however, is that I remember little else from that trip, but being sick and tired. (premenses.) But, I DID go to the Beatles museum in England, and I bought some awesome boots on Carnaby Street. THAT is what I want to remember…

Ok. So I returned to the states to finish my freshman year in college…I was eating pastries and bagels with cheese, and lots of pretzels. I was drinking wine too, which fed the yeast that was beginning to flourish in my digestive tract. I was feeling pretty depressed, and my friends at the time were NOT the best influence in that matter. Teen Angst had given way to early 20s apathy. On the other hand, a good friend at the time persuaded me to drop one of my acting electives and take a dance course. I was learning to dance again, (I had done ballet when I was a child) and the exercise was helping me lose some of the weight I had gained during my exchange. Later in the spring I became a nanny for a family who were vegetarian and didn’t eat sugar. From them I was inspired to return to my vegetarian roots. I lost a lot of weight, gained muscle and endurance, took up jogging, and miraculously my periods regulated. (Despite the fact that I was aware of how diet and exercise did help my periods and skin, I never understood or even conected the problem to hormones. And, even though it was offered by doctors, I just kept refusing to take the pill. )

Despite my emotional issues with depression and anxiety I was still quite social, but honestly emotionally I was a mess. I was always concerned about how others judged me. What I wore, despite the fact that I was into what today would be considered ‘gothish’ or punk, was an obsession to me. I somehow got the notion that if I just dressed a certain way I would be better accepted by my friends, or be a better person. It funny to me, however, that my best friend at that time, a mixed up guy who had been raised by his Catholic grandma, in a strict house, who was anything but what you would expect from a New Jersey Catholic Italian boy, a guy who appreciated me despite all my nutty luggage, was the one who helped me see that clothes didn’t matter. We were never romantically involved, just friends, and he was brutally honest with me. He helped me see that there was more to life than just trying to fit in. He told me to stop hiding, and stop burying the Cassy I really was behind a facade, but use my talent to overcome my issues. To admit my fears, and get on with life.

But the truth was, I wasn’t ready yet. I was still too scared to ‘wake up.” I made a couple of unfortunate choices when I finished my Freshman year of college. I was becoming paranoid again…mostly that I would gain the weight back I had lost and continue to grow until….well, I refused to think that there was no solution.

Unfortunately, I had failed to keep up with what I had started in dance class. I moved back to CA for University, and wasn’t running anymore. I gained weight incredibly fast. I was begining to see that I could put on 10lb overnight, and it worried me. I knew I could lose it fast and never seemed to agknowlege that my body was suffering from the yo-yo. At university I was in theatre, I hung out at coffee houses & drank caffiene by the tanker full…I was having stress attacks, and was living in a house infested with mold…I was sick again for nearly a year straight and had to take round after round of antibiotics for my sinus…Gee…did I even THINK about what I was doing to myself? The panic attacks were so bad I was paralyzed with fear much of the time. The more I stressed, the worse I felt, and the more coffee I drank to help me function during the day. I was suffering from severe insomnia. This was when late night TV became my friend. Gee, if I had only killed my TV when I had the chance. In those days, I hardly ate anything other than feta cheese and sprout sandwhiches and mexican take out, and yet my weight was piling on. THe doctors kept telling me I needed to exercise. They never said PCO. WHY!? I was becoming a hypochondriac by this point, and no one ran blood tests to explain to me what was going on in my body.

After 4 years with my then boyfriend, a relationship that led to what amounted to binge eating and caffeine drinking, terrible PMS and physical issues all relating to my body and menses, and basically not treating myself well, I got smart. We broke up, I joined another gym. I lost 30 pounds by eating right, drinking a lot of water & getting fresh air. I worked long hours at the time, but would come home and exercise or on weekends walk two miles to the beach and then lay out and sunbathe.

I met my husband, who turned me on to eating fruits and juices, and with him I started to learn more about detoxification. I saw a osteopathic doctor who told me about Candida…She recommended The Yeast Connection, and I was like OH MY! THis is me! I read and reread the book. I put it into practice in mylife. That lead to cleansing and detox, and suddenly my periods started to get in sync again. I had always thought it was weight related, but I never knew quite why.

Several years later I had gotten a job in a health food store in Florida. Within months I was promoted to assistant manager. I loved hanging out in the supplement isle, reading and reading. That was where I learned about PCO. I was blown away. This was it! This was my problem! I started using progesterone cream by Emerita, and for the first time in 10 years my periods were clockable by the calendar! My PMS, bloating and breast tissue were returning to normal. My skin was clear, my pores were shrinking…I was getting well!

In 1999 we moved to the Caribbean. I spent 3 years in the sun and air, studying in books and the internet about health. I considered an ND program, but there was no school where we were. In 2003 I had a scare with my period. I saw spotting, two weeks after I had already had my meses. I knew it wasn’t right. I immediately thought of doing a detox. I read online a little about living foods, and then read Shazzies site. I was hooked. This was for me.

I started out immediately, and realized that it was easy. Within 4 months, I discovered that my fibroids had “disappeared”. I had some that were unconfortable in my ‘girly’ parts, and they were no longer there! Excess weight 30 lbs of it had melted away. My period has come like clockwork every month since then. (Except for a short time last year when I let my diet slip and I ate refined sugars and not enough greens and fiber.)

My skin is incredibly clear. I hardly wear makeup at all anymore except for a bit of minerals. I have few scars from those old days, and I have learned to love the sun, and walking, and as long as I am eating well, I no longer suffer from PMS. I chalk this all up to high raw & fiber. It was the icing on the cake. My high raw diet gives my body the enzymes it needs to digest the foods I eat, and so my pancreas can spend its time in metabolic activity. The enzymes it pumps out can be used to heal me! Eating clean, high raw has brought me to where I am now.

Having experienced all of this, I returned to the states in 2003 and returned to work in a Health food store. I was inspired to get my Nutritional Consultant certification, which led to my current job as a digestive care educator and department manager at Renew Life Formulas. I bring my love of rainbow foods, and live cultured food to many people everyday. I never want to go back to the old depressed Cassy. I want only to go forward on the journey.

Thanks for listening, and I hope my story helps others.

Cassy.:)